Conforming To Thoughts..

I spent a good majority of my life conforming to what others thought of me. It was never sincerely what I really wanted to do.I remember having conversations with my mom about what I wanted to do for college, and what I wanted to be. It was apparent to me that I had no truly clear idea. But I knew that art would somehow be included in my life. And even if we get separated, and we come back to each other; art and I had a real love. And it was a true, rockhard love.

Walking down that road we call uncertainty, I just want to know more and more about myself.  And so I  often ask myself what can you possibly conquer out in the world if you can’t conquer yourself? You won’t be able to  look at yourself through their eyes. You will have to look at yourself through your own eyes. You  have to look at every single part of yourself and discover the reasons for why you are the way that you are. A self discovery like this might come at a hard time in your life because of other things that you may have going on. But it should only allow you to sustain more discipline when it comes to you needing yourself to depend on. Many lessons have been learned as a result of my journey to self discovery. The main lesson that I have learned is that it is very important for me to keep a belief in myself. A belief in myself that is stronger than any belief that someone else could have in me. But this has been the hardest thing for me to learn. Some of the questions I had at the beginning were: How can I love myself completely if I blame myself for some or most things that go wrong in my life? And where do I start? 

I began to stop looking at myself in such a negative manner.  Before, I used to feel fine with insulting myself on the regular, and pointing out flaws about myself that were really nothing to be ashamed of in the first place. But I thought that because I was comparing myself to other people, that they were flaws that were real. And that they were flaws that I needed to correct to feel better about myself. But little did I know that I needed to solve the root of the problem. And the problem was that I was comparing myself to other people and allowing how they look/feel/act to dictate my life and what I think about me. Whenever you think you aren’t worthy of something, or there are things you don’t like about yourself or doubt yourself or anything that you do, think about what this is doing to yourself. Think about it as a garden that you are constantly subjecting to harsh weather conditions. If it is constantly snowing and raining and hailing on this garden, whatever is being grown in the garden is going to be ruined. Thus is the same for us. If we’re constantly subject ourselves to “harsh conditions”, then we will not be able to blossom and grow into beautiful beings. We need water, nutrition, and light. Though I could sit here and name many different metaphors that you can use for this scenario; it’s better that you use what you have been through and what your situation is at this moment to create the meaning.